Crap, Confidence & Paying Rent for the Gym

Allow me to gloat for a moment. Here is a gratuitous photo of me, and, well, me.

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I’m not generally one to whip off my shirt and show the world what I look like but I wanted to make a super important point today.

Left: 81.7kg on 19 April.

Right: 79.9kg on 13 June (today).

Difference: 1.8kg

What I wanted to show today isn’t the weight loss. When you have people shedding 10kg in 6 weeks, 1.8kg in 6 weeks is super unimpressive.

What I did want to point out was the confidence.

In April, when I took the left photo, I was still at the point where I was feeling very insecure about my body. Just look at it! Awkward stance, awkward face, awkward angle, awkward… well, just every damned thing!

In the last month, the one thing that I have noticed most profoundly isn’t my body shape or the weight loss – it’s my confidence and acceptance of my body.

Back in April, I didn’t dare take a ‘nice’ photo of my progress because I was embarrassed.

“I shouldn’t even try to take a nice photo because there is absolutely nothing to be proud of right now.”

Walking into the gym today, I was feeling pretty sh*tty. A bad day, a bad week. But walking in, I left that at the door. But today, I pushed myself to do 6×15 hammer-grip lat pull-downs at 40kg. I upped it from 35kg last Thursday, and two weeks ago, struggled at 35kg for 2 reps with my PT. Today, nobody told me to, and there was nobody but me to keep me accountable. Pouring with sweat and exhausted, I just

But walking in, I left that at the door. Today, I pushed myself to do 6×15 hammer-grip lat pull-downs at 40kg. I upped it from 35kg last Thursday, and two weeks ago, struggled at 35kg for 2 reps with my PT. Today, nobody told me to, and there was nobody but me to keep me accountable.

Pouring with sweat and exhausted, I just realised that I did have something to be proud of: my own determination and my own motivation for my own self-improvement. And it’s because of that that I wanted to capture the moment – pride in progress, not in change. 

My body image is how I see it, and that is all to do with how I see myself, body AND soul. 

I’m not even close to what I want to look like, but changes don’t happen overnight. It takes hard work, determination, respect for myself and dedication (and a bit of ‘gentle persuasion’ from my personal trainer, Tom Johnston). 😗

If this is where I am now, I can’t wait to see where I am in another year. 💪🏻

 

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